Poem – Three Silk Sheets

Three Silk Sheets

Among red silk sheets, beneath a deep night comforter
worn muscles relax to the scent of apple cinnamon candles.
Hair splays across a sack of duck down while a languid mind
tours over decisions on what color the sheets should truly be.
Tests are planned and carried out; three silk sheets will be tried.
A different color for each week: blue, green, and ever-happy yellow.

Blue, the most favored color among the test subjects,
is laid down with gentle care and she smiles to herself.
However, curled within them Blue has a suffocating grip –
holding her tightly, obsessively, possessively, but she fights.
Though she manages to last the week (having given chances)
her blue sheets instilled in her a potent anxiety; she pulls them off.
Folding the Blues she places them safely into the closet.

Green does sound a better choice, reminding one of Earth
but green feigns comfort, support, resting only with envy.
Domineering as Blue but not so obsessed Green would struggle,
trying to keep the sleeper forever enwrapped in charmed liquid ideas.
Green is only a feeble sand bar and she wishes not to be its tidal bore.
Taking up the shears (in a mighty battle) she rent Green from her bed.
Not knowing where to put the bits and pieces, she burns them in the hearth.

Nearly disheartened now she pulls the yellow sheets out of a small bag;
gulping she thinks, yellow is a blissful color, and rests them on the mattress.
Lying in them a grin flutters across her face as they kiss her cheeks.
These sun-dappled sheets are more caring and gentle than the others
but this does not make her feel safe, for they are indifferent.
Not caring to have sheets with such a personality, removal is swift.
Sadly and with bitterness she opens a door and (as if cautious) lets them fly.

Blue sits in the closet, Green is ash in the fireplace, and Yellow went to the breeze.
For a moment her shoulders slump and the indolent mind is filled with naught
but there piled (and surely crumpled) are the warm red silk sheets.
Thoughts of discarding them are now absurd and she snatches them up,
softly singing her apologies for having been so inane as to take them off.
Forgiveness is quick; they flutter lovingly back down onto the bed, spreading out.
Within his arms she dreams of him as his tender kisses wander over her body
he was the only one for her – her beautiful red silk sheet.

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Poem – Cardiac Arrested

Cardiac Arrested

Like Salsa Doritos
and mini Snickers bars
let me soak up your adipose.
I am chafed but perhaps
poking that infantile skull
of yours would make me feel
Better.

While nuclei divide
and new tissue is formed,
my phalanges ball and work
against you, down to the bone.

Studying me, studying you
I find we’re only different
where hips are concerned,
and mine aren’t, very.

Like ligaments -
Bone to bone
And tendons -
Muscle to bone
We are heart to heart
(or so we pretend).

My true ribs crack
and rough CPR
punctures a lung,
but my sternum shall repair.
Cartilage shall rebuild.
Ribs shall rebuild.
Lungs shall rebuild.
If my insides can,
perhaps my mind can too.

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A dream I had…

pregnant, espionage…

A dream from May 12, 09

I was in a courtyard of sorts, in a Spanish themed home. It was beautiful and sunny, there was a fountain in the center and well taken care of plants around the area. It was a wonderful place to be but for the reason I was there. A man lived there and often had meetings with others. They were all bad men but the man that lived there was the worst. I was sent there to spy on him.

I ‘arrived’ in this place, suddenly there. I was disguised as a bug of some sort. To their eyes I was just a bug on the ground. Birds began to hunt me, trying to eat me, I was running from them. It irritated me and made me angry that they had sent me there and in such an awful disguise. A man was supposed to be with me, my working partner but he had disappeared to go do something.

I wondered why they had sent me, of all people. I thought How could he have left me alone? I am pregnant. I should not be doing this! They will catch me! I may as well be standing here naked for their mortal eyes to see!

Suddenly I got a third person view of myself. I was a thin, elegant little woman. My hair was short, bright white, I had cute pointed ears. I was standing half naked in the courtyard. A dark fabric that glittered was wrapped around me, one hip showing slightly as it slipped down on one side, but the rest of me and my legs were covered. My chest was pretty small and there was the faintest hint of pregnancy to my stomach.

I sighed and tried to ‘shoo’ the birds away but they were unaware of my hidden self, all they could see was the magicked bug that was supposed to be me. I ‘flew’ up into the air and stayed this way for some time, circling around, dodging the birds that were still trying to get me. I landed as the man came into the courtyard. I stared at him. I was terrified. He looked like a normal man, and was very handsome but I knew he was bad. He did bad things. He was evil.

Currently he had in his possession a very special little boy. Whom he intended to trade off or use to make a pact with other evil people/creatures/socialites, whatever. I was there to find out what exactly this boy meant to him and how to save him.

More birds began to come into the courtyard. I could see the man getting suspicious. He wanted to investigate but he had mortal [human] guests and could not do so. I wanted to move closer but he was staring straight at me. I felt my heart pounding in my chest. He just stared and stared! Could he see me? Was he looking at me and not the insignificant bug I was pretending to be? Could he see past the magic and barriers that were supposed to be protecting me from his sight?

I turned and ran out of the courtyard before he could use any of his own magic. I ran across a small dirt path and hid in a bright blue car with black interior. I hoped he didn’t have the “panther’s eye” or “tiger’s eye” or any sort of cats eye, for that matter [because those were spells or objects which would allow him to see me]. I sat in the front seat of the car. I was afraid he was coming after me. I was afraid he had activated some spell that allowed him to see me.

My partner drove up in a similar car, although his was red with grey interior. He smiled and asked if I was okay. I was angry that he had left me there. I got into his car and we left.

Many months later I was sent back to the same place. [I knew it was months later because I got another glimpse of myself. I was much more heavily pregnant but dressed the same way]. Before arriving I had an argument with my partner [by partner I mean fellow spy, not husband or baby's daddy] I yelled at him for allowing “them” to send me by myself. I yelled at him for not going in my place. I yelled at him because I was pregnant; because I could not use my own magic. If the magic of others failed to protect me I would be found out and I would be killed.

It was night. The courtyard was softly lit by paper lanterns hanging all around the edge and lights strung from the railings of the balconies that over looked the area. Many mortal guests were present but I could see those that were otherwise, those that were evil. I was upset I was there and I wanted to stay on the verge of the property, far away from anyone but my job was to get close to the man; to learn his plans. I began to walk further into the courtyard. Most of the guests were lingering around a table. I stopped when I saw him enter the area. He was smiling. He looked amazing. He was dangerous… He would kill me.

I began to walk towards him but paused when I realized he was staring at me, he was walking straight to me. Had the magic of others failed? Had he seen me this time? This time when I am so vulnerable! So pregnant! I was angry. I wanted to run. This man who had no name to me, who I only knew as a terrible danger to myself and all of my kind… I couldn’t run, I was caught in his gaze. He was so wonderful looking. His smile, his jaw, his wicked eyes, his lips…

Suddenly I was in his arms as he was crouched down to the ground with me. The tip of a knife gently making a line down my belly. He was smiling. I was confused, petrified, breathless… Scared and somewhat unconcerned about the supposed evil of this man. His arms were strong, they felt nice, holding me… [as if I had never been held before!]

He was yelling all of a sudden. I was watching his lips, his jaw moving as he did so, it was achingly beautiful, I wanted to reach up and hold his face. His words only barely registering to me. He was yelling at his guests, telling them all to leave. When they were gone he smiled down at me. He was wicked.

“So they sent a little spy…”

“If you are going to kill me, please do it quickly.”

He looked sad that I had said that; almost insulted. “They wanted you to get caught… sending such a pregnant little fairy…”

“Please,” I began to cry. “Please…”

I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want my child to die… Mostly I didn’t want to die. I was angry I was there, pregnant as I was, but I was almost angry I was pregnant. I couldn’t think of anyone to blame. The thought of a ‘husband’ or ‘loving father’ to my child wasn’t there… It was as if I just was pregnant.

“But why would they send you… when the children are so very coveted? Your kind do not produce so easily… nor as often as mine… much less the mortals.”

“I don’t want to die,” I could feel the tears on my cheeks but I couldn’t look away from him. He was so stunning.

“You have no power of your own to use and they cannot use anything to extract you without coming here themselves. I don’t think they mean to come get you… Why have they sent you? Perhaps as a bargaining chip. But what for?” He gripped a bit tighter, the blade suddenly at my neck. “Why are you here?”

“The boy!” I blurted out. “But I don’t care! I don’t care about the boy! You can have him! I don’t want to be here! I didn’t want to come! I’m pregnant! Why would I choose this?”

He went blank with thought before smilingly slowly. “So they mean to give you to me… To give me your child… Sacrificing your life… For the boy to go free?”

It all came together in my mind. Was that what they meant to do? Give my child to this man of such evil! To trade me for a stupid little boy! A boy that could be completely useless, powerless, just a mortal! Inside I was fuming but I continued to cry.

With a smug grin he picked me up. I was scared but it felt good to have his arms around me. It felt good to be close to him… even though he was so evil. “Please… I don’t want to die.”

“I could never harm you,” his voice was very sincere. “So beautiful. So pregnant… A fairy child… To raise, to mold on the side of darkness… Don’t be afraid, plenty of your kind have stepped over to my side. I think you’ll both enjoy it.”

He had carried me upstairs and into a room. He blocked the door and window with magic I could not pass through. He set me on the bed and left.

/wake up

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Poem – Slept with Death

the coroners wife finds herself
laying next to an unflinching body.
her skin crawls and her hair prickles
to the sounds of the odd bedroom.
the sheets are sliding away from
his naked, bloated form and
she hopes he doesn’t decide to wake.
she goes through tomorrows list
of groceries like a prayer -
if only it could save her from sin.

two gallons of milk,
sliced, cheddar cheese,
beef for taco night,
sour cream–

the man’s body twitched and groaned
interrupting her memorization.
she froze and gripped the sheets,
seeing the body in suspicion.
minutes passed motionlessly
and she relaxed back to her list.

tomatoes for dicing.
dessert. need dessert.
ice cream.
no, that is too simple.
cherries.
cherries for a pie.
whipped cream.
pie pan–

the body lurched suddenly
and she shrank into the bed
as far as she could go without
falling off completely.
those big chubby arms
flailed about until the fat hands
hit the nightstand and he was
baring it all, unfortunately.

maybe a pre-made crust.
butter, vanilla extract,
chocolate chips,
pan-cake mix,
brown sugar–

he was struggling to sit up with
a cigarette between his disgusting
pug-dog, chewed-to-death, lips.
the lighter came up and for a moment
his face and eyes were illuminated.
“Mm,” the man grunted.
“You’re still here.”

flour.
no pre-made crust.
golden grahams.
marshmallows!
fresh fruit!–

“What?” he coughed on his smoke.
A smile came to that ugly face,
“You want to go again?”
She looked away, “You could
have a very interesting death.”
He guffawed, “You gonna kill me?”

“It would keep my husband busy.”

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The Soft Throne – Prologue

This is the prologue (obviously) to a story I started but will likely never finish.

The Soft Throne

Prologue

“Maura, you are seventeen years old, do not shame yourself by acting in such a fashion,” King Jarah of Alodia scolded his daughter, as she pouted and fumed in the carriage.

“I do not wish to go to Temple Sundown this year,” Maura sent a glaring look to her father. “There is nothing wrong with me. I do not need to be cured.”
“Nonsense,” he huffed. “You were cursed by the Gods, as we know all too well. Every year you must go to a Temple in order for the priests to alleviate the symptoms of the curse, if not cure it. Sundown is the best Temple in all of Alodia.”

Maura turned her heated gaze to her mother who only looked away, out to the countryside they past. “It won’t last too long, Maura,” she spoke up softly, finding it hard to meet her own daughter’s eyes. “The signs have been good this year, I am sure they will be able to cure you this time.”

Blinking back tears of anger Maura balled her fists in the fabrics of her floor-length dress. “They… hurt… me,” she forced the words out slowly, through clenched teeth. Her ears had turned the same bright red color of her dress, as she remembered all the other birthdays she had spent in Sundown Temple.
Her father sighed loudly and Maura slouched back on the bench across from her parents, knowing that this would be another lost argument. Her older sister, Sauda, sat next to her, staring blankly at the fields of fresh green grass and newly bloomed flowers.

“Do you truly believe the Priests mumbling can really cure anything?” she said after a moment.
“Sauda!” Queen Sherise, stared at her daughter in shock.
“What?” Sauda looked to her mother. “It’s only a question. Have you not taught us to ask questions?”
“Not of the Temple Priests!”

“Well, it has been twelve years and they have not cured her, she seems to get worse, doesn’t she?” Sauda glanced to Maura. “They just make her angry.”
Maura looked down at the clenched fists in her lap and let her long brown hair fall down to hide her angered face. She wanted to cry, to cry and punch her sister in the face, and break that precious pretty nose of hers.

“Sauda, do not speak of your sister in such a way!” Sherise leant forward, putting one hand on Maura’s knee. Maura pulled away and Sherise sighed, a pained expression making her young face look old.

“You don’t love me,” Maura’s voice quivered as she turned her ever-green eyes out the carriage window.

“Of course we do!” Sherise stared at her youngest daughter and – despite the curse – her favorite. Yes, Sherise had always played favorites to Maura but to her Maura was everything she wanted in a daughter; everything the Kingdom needed. Unlike Sauda, Maura was brave on her own and had a will of her own; she never hid behind other people, or veiled her face.

“You would not do this to me, if you did.”
“We take you to the Temples because we do love you, darling,” she watched Maura, feeling hopeless that her daughter would think such a way.
“Then your love is wrong, and I do not want it.”
“Maura please—”
“Enough!” Jarah glared at each woman in turn, while inwardly asking why he could have been gifted with sons. “We are going to Dawnset Isle and Maura will be taken to Sundown Temple. That is final.”

“Yes father,” Sauda had returned her attention to the country.
“Yes, my love,” Sherise settled back in her seat, hooking one arm with her husbands.
Ever-green eyes glowered out from under chocolate brown hair, hitting him so hard it should have been a physical blow but Jarah did not notice.

The earth was shaking fiercely and the towers of Dawnset came crashing to the ground, rubble and dust flying into the air. People screamed and ran awry in the sudden destruction but one scream could be heard above everything else. Maura stood naked at the very center of Sundown Temple with a large, eight pointed star cut into her back. The ancient symbol bled profusely and she screamed in pain and rage, for all her lungs were worth.

Sherise ran into the extensive courtyard before the Temple and made her way through the fallen gates. The earth shook around her and she stumbled, falling several times as she tried to make her way to the Temple steps. She knew—she knew her beautiful daughter, her baby, her favorite—she knew Maura was the cause of all the destruction. If only there were a way she could get to her, perhaps she could end all of the madness! “Maura!” she called loudly, pushing her way past all the people that scrambled out of the Temple doors. “MAURA!”

“Sherise!” Jarah bellowed, following after his wife. “Sherise!” he stood at the entrance of the Temple, watching the ceiling fall in behind her, sometimes narrowly missing her. “Sherise!” Jarah clenched a fist and went into the Temple. The walls seemed to shake more violently as he traversed through the quickly piling rumble, yelling for his wife but his voice eluded her under the terrible screaming. He nearly caught up to her in a corridor deep within the Temple but as she turned to see him (finally hearing his pleading yell) the roof caved in over her.

Jarah stared at the place his wife had been in and ran over, calling her name over and over as he pulled large chunks of stone away. Eventually he uncovered her hand and a small slit that he could peek through. “Sherise,” he took her hand in his. “Sherise, can you hear me?” She squeezed his hand softly and Jarah let out a sob. “Sherise, Sherise, just hold on, someone will be here soon.”

“Can you see,” her voice was very low. “Can you see the morning star?”
He squeezed her hand. “No, no I cannot.”
“Oh, my love, it is… beautiful.” Her voice dropped away and her hand went limp.

“Sherise? Sherise? Sherise!” Jarah pressed his face against the rock, straining to see her. There was a loud groan as the walls to either side of him swayed and Jarah looked up. Through a hole in the ceiling he could see the Morning Star. “Not as beautiful as you,” he whispered before the walls crashed down on him.

Sauda had been outside of the city when the screaming began but even the riding fields shook, the earth rolling under the horses hooves, causing the animals to rear up and scatter in all directions. She kept tight control of her horse but Sauda gazed around in fear. The trees and the fields had somehow become menacing and a harsh wind sent shivers down her body. You too, Sauda, it seemed to say. You shall die too. She turned her horse then and made her way off to the East, the few guardsmen that had been with her followed obediently. Sauda had discussed it with them many times. If ever her sister came fully into the insanity the Gods had cursed her with, Sauda and her few chosen guards would go to the Eastern Kingdoms – where Maura could not reach.

The Priests had been thrown back at her outburst, a large burst of raw energy, washing out around her, forcing them to the ground. They tried to crawl towards the large, open archway but a black gauze overcame their vision and the earth trembled beneath them, dropping away to floors below or pushing up around them in jagged edges before crashing to lower floors. The walls shook around them and began to topple down, the large stone blocks crushing the Priests as they prayed to the highest Gods they could, asking for forgiveness. Dust plumed up around her and quickly settled. Morning sunlight streamed down on her, through the gaping hole that was left of the ceiling, which was now only held up by three marble pillars. The screaming stopped.

Maura dropped her head back and looked up at the new sky which brilliant in its chaotic colors of gold, blue, and pink. She took a deep breath and sank to her knees, a small burst of laughter caught in her throat and Maura smiled – glad the pain had finally come to an end. Feeling exhausted, she slowly lay down on her stomach, buried her face against her arms, and fell asleep.

“Highness?” Bordan stared down at Maura. She stirred and opened her eyes slowly.
“What happened?” she asked groggily.
“You’ve been sleeping for three days,” Bordan answered. “We are at the palace. There was a tremor in Dawnset Isle, the Temple— your parents—” He stared down at her, a look of fear coming into his eyes. “They have died.”

“My sister?” Maura sat up slowly, taking the glass of water Bordan held.
“Assumed… we could not find her but Dawnset is completely destroyed.”
She gave him a thoughtful look and then smiled. “I am Queen?”
Bordan’s breath caught. “—yes, yes, you are Queen.” He looked over his shoulder at the older men that stood within the room, the advisors to the crown. They nodded slowly, dread etched deeply on their old faces.

“A Cursed Queen,” one of them spoke up, his voice rough and wheezy. “The whole Kingdom knows now.”
“Yes,” Maura lay back down. “I would hope so.”

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